what happens after brexit?

So what happens after ‪#‎brexit‬: Scotland will leave the UK. Ireland will reunify into a single country. France and the Netherlands will be forced out of the EU as well. Russia will invade Ukraine and Finland. President Trump will accede to this, thus ending NATO. Northern and Southern Italy will split. Pope Francis will declare Rome a Papal State. What is left of Spain will claim the Netherlands and Sicily by right as descendants of the Hapsburgs. Turkey will invade Cyprus. The Papal States will gain greater territory. First in Southern Italy, then in Poland. Then Austria. Pope Francis will be declared the new Holy Roman Emperor. Spain will break into pieces with Andalucia joining the New Roman Empire. Eventually Ireland will join as well. Germany and Northern Italy will begin disintegrating into city-states which will form a loose alliance based on the Swiss model. Flanders, Netherlands and Scotland–having joined forces to defeat the Spanish Armada–will join a new economic union. Poland, Estonia, Latvia and Lithuania will join in a military pact to retake Finland as well as that little part of Russia on the Baltic. Eventually Russia will nuke all of them and begin a march west to retake all of the lands of the former Soviet bloc including East Germany. Pope Francis’s forces will grow stronger creating a split between the Russian controlled east, the Roman controlled Catholic league. The divided, leaderless and backward city-states of West Germany and France will be caught in the middle of this geopolitical tussel. French refugees will begin migrating en masse to Morocco where a rump state will be declared. By this time a prosperous independent England will have rebuilt its Victorian Era economy with textile factories humming in Manchester and more coal than you can shake a stick at popping out of mines in Wales. They will sell these goods to their colonies in South Asia and Africa. Finally, rumors of a warrior Princess in the east with Dragons and a dwarf will arrive. She will land gallantly atop the Eiffel Tower uniting France with the city-states of the former Germany and Northern Italy. She will reinstate the EU with the Free City of Paris as her capital. She will defeat Pope Francis’s forces at the Battle of the Dragon and the Scepter, taking place off the coast of Monaco. Then she will turn and cross the narrow sea to take back the Throne of England. After crowning herself as the one true Chancellor at a really big Westminster Abbey coronation she will settle into a wary truce between the new EU and the Russian controlled east because if we’ve learned anything in the last 200 years, its that there’s no point in Western Europe invading Russia.

Or, things will go on pretty much as they have been for the last ten years in the EU except that British people will now have to pay more for their claret, their champagne and their plumbers. And maybe, just maybe, the EU will take this as a wake-up call and figure out a way to be more useful (banking union, patent union, communications union, common foreign policy, rationalized military spending and coordination, border control) and more democratic.


Written by seansafford

June 24, 2016 at 2:39 pm

Posted in uncategorized

9 Responses

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  1. Tee hee.


    Alison Kemper

    June 24, 2016 at 4:46 pm

  2. This first paragraph sounds likes the Diplomacy game I played a few weeks ago.



    June 24, 2016 at 7:46 pm

  3. This is a clever take, but my understanding is the EU was not designed to solve the problem of democracy. It was designed to solve other problems, primarily war on the continent between European nations. Correct me if I’m wrong.



    June 24, 2016 at 10:44 pm

  4. Reblogged this on Unlimited Dream Company ('Despairing at last, I decided to die' -J.G. Ballard) and commented:
    Failure is ‘wonderfully apocalyptic’



    June 25, 2016 at 2:34 am

  5. Which is it? A more useful EU or a more democratic EU? I’m not sure they get to have both.



    June 26, 2016 at 3:16 pm

  6. @austen. I would actually correct that. While a lot of the (mainly empty) rhetoric about the EU has to do with stopping wars, the fact is the likelihood of France going to war with Germany is about the same as the likelihood of the US going to war with Japan. The economic ties that the US and Japan share are just as strong–if not a bit less so in fact–as those between France and Germany. You don’t need a continental super-structure to achieve that. All you need is economic ties with or without trade barriers. The real reason for the EU is to create a continental super-national entity that can stand on a par, geopolitically and economically, with the US and China. The thinking was that the 21st century would be played out on a continental scale and so all the many little countries of Europe would be better off (in negotiating trade deals, in asserting military and cultural and other forms of power) as a bloc. I still think that holds water, but it is clearly being challenged on many fronts. And perhaps it will change. I think the major alternative argument is that the future will be one of city-states. Singapore vs. Dubai vs. the US East Coast vs. Silicon Valley rather than US vs. Europe vs. China.

    @pretendous. Well, thats quite cynical isn’t it? I suppose the great promise of liberal democracy is that indeed you can have both. But again, that is the challenge we are facing now. To go back to my rant above, China offers the alternative: effective, but not democratic. We see whats happening to it now though: when the effectiveness wares down a bit, the democratic bit comes back into the fore.



    June 28, 2016 at 9:25 am

  7. Seansafford: While France and Germany might trade quite a lot, those 2 countries are not typical examples of relations between EU countries. Inclusion of eastern european countries is a much more useful example, if one wants to discuss if the EU facilitates stopping wars. The France-Germany example is…mainly empty rhetoric, to use your own phrase.

    Liked by 1 person


    June 28, 2016 at 3:22 pm

  8. There is no need for idle speculation about the EU’s motivations and outcomes; there are countless pages written on the subject. There are even short paperback pieces that are useful for cocktail parties and sociology blogs. The proto-EU supranational organization was the European Coal and Steel Community in 1951, which was proposed by Robert Schuman, who indeed had an anti-war motivation as he proposed the institution to include France, Germany, Italy, and the Low Countries. The accretion of other jointly held obligations and claims over time led to the Maastricht Treaty in ’93, which was mostly about trade, labor mobility, and harmonized regulations (as Sean notes).



    June 29, 2016 at 6:19 pm

  9. […] via what happens after brexit? — […]


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